.we can do anything.

“if we can do this, we can do anything”

my friend shannon said,

as we contemplated roller blading

off the two foot jump at classic skating.

seriously, it took us at least fifteen minutes

to convince ourselves to finally do it.

and then when we finally went off the jump,

we broke the camera while filming

our only documentation of the

courageous feat of the two feet.

i also remember shannon and i

(clearly we have quite the adventures together)

hyperventilating in line

as we finally decided it was time we went on

the colossus rollercoaster at lagoon.

the big one with the double loops that flip you upside down.

the best part was,

was that we got cut at the very

end of the last group who went on,

so… that meant that we were at the very front of the next group.

two, crying, sweaty-palmed ten-year old girls

at the tippy top of the rollercoaster.

both of us looked at each other and at the same time said,

“if we can do this, we can do anything.”

and with white knuckles hanging on for dear life,

lost voices from screaming,

and a debatable change of pants,

we sure did it.

i’ve realized more and more how much

that phrase has become a mantra for my life.

whether it was eating escargot, jumping off a 50 ft. cliff,

or even just forcing myself to get out of bed early

to face a difficult week ahead,

my first thought has always been,

“if i can do this, i can do anything.”

not gonna lie though…

sometimes my motivation was definitely for street cred.

just to casually bring up in conversation the cool things i’ve done.

and not gonna lie either…

i’m 95% scared 95% of the time.

but that 5% convinces me i have to.

that if i don’t do it, i’ll be disappointed

or always wonder what could have been.

and when you tell yourself,

“if i can do this, i can do anything”

it almost makes you believe that in that moment,

it may be the last hard thing you’ll ever have to do,

and life will be a little easier from here on out.

and in a way,

it kind of is like that.

for instance,

i did something this week, i didn’t think i would ever do.

sure, skydiving is on everybody’s bucket list,

but i was always all talk, no game.

i liked the idea of skydiving in theory,

but never thought it would actually happen.

i’m sure grateful for friends who get uh.maz.ing groupon

skydiving deals though, and spontaneously ask me

if i wanted to go the very next morning.

it was just enough time to not even have time

to second-guess the impulsive decision.

so, there we were driving to moab at the crack of dawn.

and due to my directionally challenged ways,

i was sure we’d get lost.

and we definitely did.

but i didn’t anticipate getting back on track so quickly either.

we got to the airport,

met the instructors,

signed our lives away,

(along with cheaper life insurance)

put on a suit,

and it wasn’t until i was 10,000 feet in the air

about to jump out of a plane

that it finally hit me.

“if i can do this, i can do anything.”

the fear only lasted a split second.

falling at terminal velocity

kind of forces you to embrace the moment.

plus, if you know about my testimony of flying,

that was just the cherry on top to the whole experience.

there was nothing but pure joy when my feet hit the ground.

because when you do one thing you never thought you could,

it’s not so hard anymore.

i wanted to do it again right after too.

isn’t it interesting how a once intimidating thought,

can become kind of an addiction once the fear is conquered?

on the drive back, i thought a lot about what i just experienced

and a lot about fear.

granted, fear definitely can be a catalyst

to help physically, spiritually, and emotionally

protect us,

but what kind of

people would be like if we were always

totally and completely fearless?

from conquering heights,

to trying new foods,

to having zero inhibitions about what others thought,

to running marathons,

to performing,

to being unpopular for doing the right thing,

to setting seemingly crazy goals,

to being honest with yourself…

more often than not, i’ve come to realize that

if i’m afraid of,

or think i can’t do something,

then as my good friend nike would say,

i should probably

JUST DO IT.

“if we can do this, we can do anything.”

you better believe it.

michelle and i pre-skydive. and aren't those 80s jump suits sahweeeet?

in the plane!

"cause i'm freeeee! free fallin!"

we did it, we did it. we really, really did it.

.sapcitement.

brace yourselves for a sappy one, folks.
i don’t know if i can describe how i felt tonight,

other than that i got really excited to experience

a feeling someday.

and because i can’t describe it,

here’s to those who know how to best

articulate the beat of the heart.

…

“With what unspeakable delight, and what transports of joy swelled by bosom, when I took by the hand, on that night, my beloved Emma, even the wife of my youth, and the choice of my heart. Many were the reverberations of my mind when I contemplated for a moment the many scenes we had been called to pass through, the fatigues and the toils, the sorrows and sufferings, and the joys and consolations, from time to time, which had strewed our paths and crowned our board. Oh, what a commingling of thought filled my mind for the moment, and again she is here even in the seventh trouble—undaunted, firm and unswerving—unchangeable, affectionate Emma.”

- Joseph Smith

"When I look at you, I feel certain of something."

- Mr. Nobley, Austenland

“I wish someone would randomly tell me little facts about myself. Not ones that I have already told them but ones they have picked up by themselves because they care enough to notice the little things I do.”

“And... it's a great thing to get what you want. It's a really good thing unless what you thought you wanted wasn't really what you wanted... because what you really wanted you couldn't imagine or you didn't think it was possible but what if someone came along who knew exactly what you wanted without asking they just knew... like they could hear your heart beating or listen to your thoughts and what if they were sure of themselves and they didn't have to take a poll and they loved you... but you hesitated and I... uh... I have to go... I'm sorry but... I have to go!” 
– Kate, Kate and Leopold

“I am yours. Heart and soul, I am yours.”

– Tom Lefroy, Becoming Jane

“As I held her hand and saw mortal life drain from her fingers, I confess I was overcome. Before I married her, she had been the girl of my dreams, to use the words of a song then popular. She was my dear companion for more than two-thirds of a century, my equal before the Lord, really my superior. And now in my old age, she has again become the girl of my dreams.”

– Gordon B. Hinckley

“There is no one better for me, and no one who makes me better.”

– Alyson McKay

"Now at last they were beginning chapter one of the great story no one on earth has ever read, which goes on forever: in which every chapter is better than the one before."

- C.S. Lewis

…

…

it’s just so beautiful to me to see someone so

completely, perfectly, and incandescently happy

with another person.

they can hardly contain the excitement,

or cease the endless praise and compliments.
they know that they and life are better because their significant other is in it,
and when they aren't with them, they wish that they were.

they shout and let it echo from the rooftops,

(“i’m in love, i’m in love, and i don’t care who knows it!”)

or just take and squeeze their sweetheart’s hand cause that says more

about how they feel in the moment than any words could ever express.

oh, how i’m excited for that feeling.

.never surrender.

you never know what gems you’ll find cleaning a wise lady’s humble abode.

…

Tonight while out running, I realized that there is a big difference between surviving and actually living. You can survive on Mac & Cheese, little to no exercise, and little to no work, but you have not actually lived. At the same time, you may possess very little, have a small income, but be a very hard worker, and carer for your temple. If you are this kind of a person, you have lived (you can also be a wealthy person but only be a survivor). Whatever the case, let's say you work at the ice cream parlor. You may get up everyday and not feel like going to work. You hate scooping ice cream for a living and you wish you had another job, and you don't think you have many other options. I've been there... When you get up every day you can pretty much not count on feeling like going to school, or working, or exercising but you had better do it. Never surrender to that voice that says it’s going to be boring, it's not worth it. NEVER SURRENDER. I think we all know whose voice that is. 

.honest mistake.

yesterday i threw a lie

down a wishing well

hoped you couldn't tell

try as i may try as i might

perfect on paper 
but didn't feel quite right

moments make memories 

that take you to a place

with faces and feelings

you can't erase

another honest mistake

what can i say what can i do

when i'm the hurt 
that could fix you too

but you and i deserve to be
with the truth 
that could set us free  

moments make memories 

that take you to a place

with faces and feelings

you can't erase

another honest mistake

.miss you like crazy.

sometimes it’s expected.

usually i have more days like this in may.

it’s her day of birth,

mothers day…

i pull out all the journals,

memory books,

photographs,

and just like to sit and think about

everything that’s happened since

now and then.

other times it’s a passing thought,

or comment in conversation.

emotions are under control

with only sweet, lingering nostalgia.

today i was just brushing my teeth,

and thought of something funny

my mom said at family home evening.

we were talking about adam and eve

and she had the hypothesis that

the tree of knowledge of good and evil

was a fig tree.

cause adam and eve covered themselves up with

fig leaves afterwards. ha. 

(gotta love those biblical theories).

and then,

out of nowhere,

i felt the water works welling up.

i don’t know if it’s because today marks

exactly 4 years and 3 months since she passed away,

but i sat down for a few minutes

and just let the wave of tears and memories flow.

a few days earlier,

i was talking with my dad in the car

about her.

he said,

“i still miss her like crazy.”

and today i missed her like crazy too.

i miss the way she laughed while watching

her favorite movie, ‘the gods must be crazy’

i miss the way she made me laugh.

(here’s a post with stories from an old blog

i had to write for a class a few years ago).

i miss her political rants.

i miss resting my head on my mom’s shoulder and talking.

i miss listening to “do you know?” by enrique iglesias,

and every time she was so impressed the beat started with a ping pong.

i miss her attention to detail.

i even miss all the unsolicited advice on health and nutrition.

i remember one night hearing my parents having

a somewhat loud "discussion" upstairs and after awhile,

i could hear my mom crying.

i went upstairs and asked,

“is everything okay, mom?”

she smiled at me under the tears,

and said,

“yes, everything is alright.

your dad is just a little discouraged

we’ve been trying so many treatments

and nothing has been getting better.

but i know everything is going to be okay.

i know that because of your faith, liza.

your prayers and positive attitude,

remind me that things will work out for the best.

keep having faith, sweetheart.”

i think of that memory,

and keep trying to hold on to the faith i had then.

faith that wasn’t conditional upon an outcome.

because even though she did pass away,

and even though it’s been a few years now,

i still sometimes wonder if things will  

work out without her.

but they have,

and will continue to.

and even though there’s days like this

where i miss her like crazy,

i know there’s more memories to make ahead

than those we've left behind.

.replay.

voila.

here’s my current playlist on repeat.

a song for every day of the week.

plus one.

cause you can never be too generous with good music.

.friendly friday - carl.

as one of the many maxwell maxim’s go:

“we are not put in circles of friendship by coincidence, but by divine design.”

there’s few things in life better than good friends.

and lucky for me, divine design has led me to some of the best.

so, here’s to friendly fridays.

just a little s/o to my home girls and boys,

and why they’re the greatest things

that’s ever happened to me,

you (even if you don’t know them),

and well,

the universe.

let’s start off with one of my favorites shall we?

been thick as thieves since seventh grade.

she’s 6’ 4” and so much more.

does she play sports?

yup, golf.

(just kidding, but that’s what i tell people

for the inevitable follow up question after her height).

we can have the time of our lives doing most anything.

and i look up to her for just about everything.

introducing… the one… the only…

name: 

carley anne rasmussen

nicknames: 

carl(s), car, carley fries, carls barkley, carl bucket, carlos…

three words: 

classy, sassy, and the most altruistic lassie.

treat of choice: 

diet dr. p with a hint of lime wedge.  

talents: 

knows how to beautify any place or space, be it with food, décor, words, or grace. volleyball superstar. marathon master. astute accountant. oh so stylish. dedicated. diligent. lover/discoverer of everything that is good.

one of a million memories: 

twas a hot summers day, and we’d been running errands of the p.a… we got in the car, turned on the “a/c,” and both legitimately screamed as a whoosh of burning hot hair blasted out suffocating our faces. and then we laughed (and sweated) uproariously.

words of wit and wisdom:

 “i’m no gold digger… but i ain’t no coal digger either!”

“we’ve already made the hardest decision by coming to earth… every other choice we make is a little easier knowing we’re already half-way there.” – carley llama