.happy mothers day.

may.

the mother month.

seeing as my mom’s birthday

and mother’s day fall in the same week,

lots of thinking and reminiscing comes with the territory.

but, more than just thinking about and appreciating

my own mom on mother’s day,

today my heart is full for the many mothers

who have impacted my life.

i wish i could individually thank,

give a giant bouquet of flowers to,

and wrap my arms

around each of my friends’ sweet mothers.

all those have taken me in their home,

talked with me about life,

fed me delicious food,

taught me how to make their delicious food,

let me cry on their shoulders,

bestowed upon me cherished gifts,
gave priceless dating advice,

shared wisdom and experience

from their talents, education, and professions.

i’m grateful for grandmothers who

show me the right way to cut tomatoes,

aunts with stellar fashion recommendations,

and four incredible sisters who have

passed along any and all motherly counsel

that was either given to 
or naturally instinctive a part of them.

i’m grateful for the way i’ve seen these maternal figures

have their children jump at the opportunity

to tell them about their day,

how they brush away contention with gentle tones,

have late nights sewing or going to the ER,

spend their days living in the car going from one errand to another,

go to recitals after hearing the same songs on repeat for months,

help the tooth fairy and santa claus,

give their laps for a pillow,

play the cheerleader, doctor, mentor, chef, chauffer…

just about everything, really.

you’ve all been angels.

i’ve felt like the luckiest girl to have

my own angel watching over me,

with countless more all around me.

a huge thank you and lots of love

to each n every one o’ ya.

happy mothers day.

happy mother’s day.
happy mothers’ day.

.brings out the best.

do you have a class called “field trips?”

i sure do.

every monday.

here was this weeks adventures.

augusta victoria tower.

prophet samuel’s tomb.

looking over bethlehem.

zedekiah’s cave - complete with shadow making and singing ‘in the jungle’ with awesome cave acoustics.

7 11? no, no. 7-to-11 – here’s the spot for our daily ice cream and coke runs.

eating falafel in the middle east. yup, that just happened.

a jerusalem rainstorm is one of mother natures finest gifts.

st. james cathedral – next to the salt lake temple, probably the most beautiful religious building i have ever had the pleasure of beholding.

singing hymns and being picturesque at the garden tomb.

and last but not least,
friday at sunset.
also known as the beginning of sabbath here.

we went to the western wall as group,

and were able to go stick a prayer in the wall,

sing and dance with the floods of people there,

and bask in the glory of beautiful ritual and devotion.

everywhere i go, it really impresses upon me how dedicated

the people are to their faith.

whether it’s a christian, jewish, or muslim site

there is a feeling of reverence and commitment

to the ground they walk on

and the God they worship.

regardless of any religious similarities or differences,

one thing for certain,

is that it makes me want to be better.

more devoted,

more dedicated,

and more committed,

to my own beliefs and faith.

to do and be the best that i can

all because i love the Lord.

i’m grateful this place brings out the best.

.adventure chapter one.

wow.

that pretty much sums up the past few days.

i wish i could’ve captured the moment of

coming around the corner on the bus

and seeing the dome of the rock for the first time.

or coming into the jerusalem center

(aka the palace on the hill)

and my jaw dropping for how nice everything is - 

the floors, the pianos, the food, the staff…

THIS VIEW.

wowowowow.

going into the old city for the first time was somethin else too.

you kind of learn to love the smell of DI mixed with spices.

i love hearing hebrew and arabic everywhere.

i love the palestinian/israeli accents speaking english.

everywhere you look there’s something of historical or religious significance,

so it’s hard to be bored here.

and it’s a comforting thought that i don’t need to see/do everything all at once,

because i get to be here for three and half blissful months.

i’ll try to keep bragging to a minimum.

i love that i get to be on this adventure with my carl.

i love my flying buddies jessica and jake.

my humble abode, the palace.

it's real easy to study with a view like this... kind of.

i love my roommate grace. the first night we were here, the muslim call to prayer was blasting through the city at 4 am (like it does every morning), and grace starts talking in her sleep saying, "wow, i'm learning so much!" :) i knew our friendship was fate the minute she started singing one of my favorite songs that probably only 13 people on the planet know. and talk about one of the coolest cats i've ever met, seriously - she has lived all around the world, speaks spanish and german, sings and plays the guitar like nobody's business, is a car mechanic, professional photographer, avid star wars fan, not to mention has best taste in music... i'm sure there'll be more to add to the list everyday. 

i love that gabby and jenni are my other roommates and that we like to wear sun hats. and that we can laugh at night and appreciate things like boy band look-a-likes from the 90s.

i love just about everything in the markets and know i'm going to be a very poor person by the end of this trip.

i love i get to hang out with these kids every. single. day.

i love the musical parties every night.

i love that i get to walk on these slippery city steps.

i love how all the locals are photogenic.

especially the cute, little ones that smile and throw flowers at me.

i love jewish quarter traveling buddies.

 i love finally standing in front of something i've stared at pictures of for six months.

thumbs up for middle eastern produce, coke, and one shekel (30 cent) popsicles.

i love darling friends that are stoked about zechariah's tomb.

i love the sunsets here that never fail to impress.

.we can do anything.

“if we can do this, we can do anything”

my friend shannon said,

as we contemplated roller blading

off the two foot jump at classic skating.

seriously, it took us at least fifteen minutes

to convince ourselves to finally do it.

and then when we finally went off the jump,

we broke the camera while filming

our only documentation of the

courageous feat of the two feet.

i also remember shannon and i

(clearly we have quite the adventures together)

hyperventilating in line

as we finally decided it was time we went on

the colossus rollercoaster at lagoon.

the big one with the double loops that flip you upside down.

the best part was,

was that we got cut at the very

end of the last group who went on,

so… that meant that we were at the very front of the next group.

two, crying, sweaty-palmed ten-year old girls

at the tippy top of the rollercoaster.

both of us looked at each other and at the same time said,

“if we can do this, we can do anything.”

and with white knuckles hanging on for dear life,

lost voices from screaming,

and a debatable change of pants,

we sure did it.

i’ve realized more and more how much

that phrase has become a mantra for my life.

whether it was eating escargot, jumping off a 50 ft. cliff,

or even just forcing myself to get out of bed early

to face a difficult week ahead,

my first thought has always been,

“if i can do this, i can do anything.”

not gonna lie though…

sometimes my motivation was definitely for street cred.

just to casually bring up in conversation the cool things i’ve done.

and not gonna lie either…

i’m 95% scared 95% of the time.

but that 5% convinces me i have to.

that if i don’t do it, i’ll be disappointed

or always wonder what could have been.

and when you tell yourself,

“if i can do this, i can do anything”

it almost makes you believe that in that moment,

it may be the last hard thing you’ll ever have to do,

and life will be a little easier from here on out.

and in a way,

it kind of is like that.

for instance,

i did something this week, i didn’t think i would ever do.

sure, skydiving is on everybody’s bucket list,

but i was always all talk, no game.

i liked the idea of skydiving in theory,

but never thought it would actually happen.

i’m sure grateful for friends who get uh.maz.ing groupon

skydiving deals though, and spontaneously ask me

if i wanted to go the very next morning.

it was just enough time to not even have time

to second-guess the impulsive decision.

so, there we were driving to moab at the crack of dawn.

and due to my directionally challenged ways,

i was sure we’d get lost.

and we definitely did.

but i didn’t anticipate getting back on track so quickly either.

we got to the airport,

met the instructors,

signed our lives away,

(along with cheaper life insurance)

put on a suit,

and it wasn’t until i was 10,000 feet in the air

about to jump out of a plane

that it finally hit me.

“if i can do this, i can do anything.”

the fear only lasted a split second.

falling at terminal velocity

kind of forces you to embrace the moment.

plus, if you know about my testimony of flying,

that was just the cherry on top to the whole experience.

there was nothing but pure joy when my feet hit the ground.

because when you do one thing you never thought you could,

it’s not so hard anymore.

i wanted to do it again right after too.

isn’t it interesting how a once intimidating thought,

can become kind of an addiction once the fear is conquered?

on the drive back, i thought a lot about what i just experienced

and a lot about fear.

granted, fear definitely can be a catalyst

to help physically, spiritually, and emotionally

protect us,

but what kind of

people would be like if we were always

totally and completely fearless?

from conquering heights,

to trying new foods,

to having zero inhibitions about what others thought,

to running marathons,

to performing,

to being unpopular for doing the right thing,

to setting seemingly crazy goals,

to being honest with yourself…

more often than not, i’ve come to realize that

if i’m afraid of,

or think i can’t do something,

then as my good friend nike would say,

i should probably

JUST DO IT.

“if we can do this, we can do anything.”

you better believe it.

michelle and i pre-skydive. and aren't those 80s jump suits sahweeeet?

in the plane!

"cause i'm freeeee! free fallin!"

we did it, we did it. we really, really did it.

.sapcitement.

brace yourselves for a sappy one, folks.
i don’t know if i can describe how i felt tonight,

other than that i got really excited to experience

a feeling someday.

and because i can’t describe it,

here’s to those who know how to best

articulate the beat of the heart.

…

“With what unspeakable delight, and what transports of joy swelled by bosom, when I took by the hand, on that night, my beloved Emma, even the wife of my youth, and the choice of my heart. Many were the reverberations of my mind when I contemplated for a moment the many scenes we had been called to pass through, the fatigues and the toils, the sorrows and sufferings, and the joys and consolations, from time to time, which had strewed our paths and crowned our board. Oh, what a commingling of thought filled my mind for the moment, and again she is here even in the seventh trouble—undaunted, firm and unswerving—unchangeable, affectionate Emma.”

- Joseph Smith

"When I look at you, I feel certain of something."

- Mr. Nobley, Austenland

“I wish someone would randomly tell me little facts about myself. Not ones that I have already told them but ones they have picked up by themselves because they care enough to notice the little things I do.”

“And... it's a great thing to get what you want. It's a really good thing unless what you thought you wanted wasn't really what you wanted... because what you really wanted you couldn't imagine or you didn't think it was possible but what if someone came along who knew exactly what you wanted without asking they just knew... like they could hear your heart beating or listen to your thoughts and what if they were sure of themselves and they didn't have to take a poll and they loved you... but you hesitated and I... uh... I have to go... I'm sorry but... I have to go!” 
– Kate, Kate and Leopold

“I am yours. Heart and soul, I am yours.”

– Tom Lefroy, Becoming Jane

“As I held her hand and saw mortal life drain from her fingers, I confess I was overcome. Before I married her, she had been the girl of my dreams, to use the words of a song then popular. She was my dear companion for more than two-thirds of a century, my equal before the Lord, really my superior. And now in my old age, she has again become the girl of my dreams.”

– Gordon B. Hinckley

“There is no one better for me, and no one who makes me better.”

– Alyson McKay

"Now at last they were beginning chapter one of the great story no one on earth has ever read, which goes on forever: in which every chapter is better than the one before."

- C.S. Lewis

…

…

it’s just so beautiful to me to see someone so

completely, perfectly, and incandescently happy

with another person.

they can hardly contain the excitement,

or cease the endless praise and compliments.
they know that they and life are better because their significant other is in it,
and when they aren't with them, they wish that they were.

they shout and let it echo from the rooftops,

(“i’m in love, i’m in love, and i don’t care who knows it!”)

or just take and squeeze their sweetheart’s hand cause that says more

about how they feel in the moment than any words could ever express.

oh, how i’m excited for that feeling.

.never surrender.

you never know what gems you’ll find cleaning a wise lady’s humble abode.

…

Tonight while out running, I realized that there is a big difference between surviving and actually living. You can survive on Mac & Cheese, little to no exercise, and little to no work, but you have not actually lived. At the same time, you may possess very little, have a small income, but be a very hard worker, and carer for your temple. If you are this kind of a person, you have lived (you can also be a wealthy person but only be a survivor). Whatever the case, let's say you work at the ice cream parlor. You may get up everyday and not feel like going to work. You hate scooping ice cream for a living and you wish you had another job, and you don't think you have many other options. I've been there... When you get up every day you can pretty much not count on feeling like going to school, or working, or exercising but you had better do it. Never surrender to that voice that says it’s going to be boring, it's not worth it. NEVER SURRENDER. I think we all know whose voice that is. 

.honest mistake.

yesterday i threw a lie

down a wishing well

hoped you couldn't tell

try as i may try as i might

perfect on paper 
but didn't feel quite right

moments make memories 

that take you to a place

with faces and feelings

you can't erase

another honest mistake

what can i say what can i do

when i'm the hurt 
that could fix you too

but you and i deserve to be
with the truth 
that could set us free  

moments make memories 

that take you to a place

with faces and feelings

you can't erase

another honest mistake