.2015/life mantra.

I remember when we had hospice care at our house for a few weeks.

My mom needed an IV change every day, but on the off chance the nurse couldn't be there,

someone at home needed to learn how to change it.

My older sisters couldn't handle it without fainting, 
and my dad was at work during the day,

so who was the lucky IV changing winner? 
*ding ding ding* - this kid.

At the time, I thought to myself, 
"Yeah, I'm a little nervous, but someone's gotta do it."

Looking back now, I just shake my head and almost laugh...

"I was a 17-year-old child! Learning how to change an IV for their mom!" 

...not your typical childhood experience.

But, I did it.

Probably cause I couldn't even really fully wrap my head around 

what was going on at the time, 

and I didn't even think about an alternative.

I remember calling the doctor to make an appointment for myself for the first time,

and then got anxious when they asked for an insurance card,

and I had to put them on hold for 20 minutes while I called my sister to figure out

what that was and where to find it.
Eventually, I learned that when questions arose
and Siri didn't have all the answers,

Google's your best friend and YouTube tutorials are heaven sent. 

When I started driving, there was one day where I almost 

hit an entire construction crew and a deer simultaneously.

(It's traumatizing to have your mom scream at the top of her lungs, 
"DON'T KILL BAMBI!!!").

I vowed after that, that I would never drive again

and take public transportation for the rest of my life.................. psych.

Glad I eventually broke that promise.

Before ever traveling outside of the United States,

there was a part of me that was intimidated by the rest of the world.

But more than one sibling had told me that if they could do college over again,

they would have gone on a study abroad.

So me, not wanting to regret my college experience, 

signed up to go the BYU Jerusalem Center for Near Eastern Studies.

A lot was going on at the time and some factors made me question if I should go.

It wasn't a crippling fear, but there were definitely doubts.

...but it would have been the biggest regret of my life
if I'd given in to that hesitation.

That was the best summer of my life.

Also, A S I A.

When I say I was intimidated by the rest of the world,

I mostly meant Asia.

Nothing against Asia at all, 

(In fact, some of my best friends are Asian),

But I guess I understood their culture the least, 
their food is... questionable? sometimes,

I've watched way too many TV shows of 
China or North Korea taking over the world...

But, even so, all cultural stereotypes aside, 

I can't explain why I've had this subconscious fear of our Earth's largest continent.

In my short 22 years though,

I've come to learn a few things about myself.

If I'm scared, intimidated, anxious, nervous, terrified about something...

then that means I should probably face those fears,

put on my big girl pants, and just do it.

So, after stewing about it for two years,

and taking all the 77.6% faith I had,

and the 22.4% fear that I channeled into a catalyst of courage...

I put in my mission papers.

The initial thought for anyone going through this process is,

"Oo, I wonder where I'll go!"

And the answer to my future destination of service came on February 27, 2015.

"Dear Sister Smith,

You are hereby called to serve as a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

You are assigned to labor in the Cebu East, Philippines mission."

THE PHILIPPINES.

aka A S I A.

LOL.

I should've have guessed it all along.

The Lord is all about helping us conquer fears.

He will aid us in overcoming the things that we struggle with,

and in turn change our hearts and expand our capacities 

to love and have strength for the things that were once a challenge for us.

I've heard so much about the Philippines and the Filipino people 

the past few months too,

That I can't help but already feel this anticipatory love

for the souls and adventure that awaits me.

I know a lot of these examples probably aren't especially brave or courageous either,

and some of it is just a part of growing up.

But with every example, I remember the having the feeling,

"Am I really doing this?!"

Am I really inserting an IV?

Am I going to this doctor's appointment all by myself? 

Am I driving 70 mph on the freeway right now?

Am I on a plane flying to the Holy Land?

Am I ready to serve the Lord for 18 months? 

Looking back, a lot of those little things don't seem like such a big deal now.

But I still have a list of fears and weaknesses waiting to be conquered,

and instead of getting scared,

I am now more anxious to accept the challenge. #bringiton

Sometimes courage is thrust upon you and you don't realize that you're being brave.

Other times, you make the choice to be courageous, 

because you know it will be good for you in the end.

And so I give to you my mantra for 2015/life:

.wednesday wisdom.

“dear diary, sorry i haven’t written for so long!”

…said every journal entry ever.

i feel like this blog is beginning to share the same sentiment,

so, yes… i apologize to any of the 5 followers

i may or may not be accountable to out there.

as for an update, here’s a little wednesday wisdom

i stumbled upon this morning.

…

“I suppose no one is as handsome or as beautiful as he or she wishes, or as brilliant in school or as witty in speech or as wealthy as we would like, but in a world of varied talents and fortunes that we can’t always command, I think that makes even more attractive the qualities we can command—such qualities as thoughtfulness, patience, a kind word, and true delight in the accomplishment of another. These cost us nothing, and they can mean everything to the one who receives them.”

…

blessed be the words of elder holland.

(if you’d like to read the whole talk,

which you probably should just saying,

click here).

with thoughtfulness,

patience,

a kind word,

and a true delight in the accomplishment of another…

it’s priceless to make someone else feel like a million bucks.

i love that.

.to know Him.

there’s a lot of big things i’ve learned here the past few months.

but this one might be one of the biggest.

and it’s been thoughts and feelings so near and dear to my heart,

i’m not quite sure how to articulate it.

but i felt impressed to share it,

so i’ll try.

here goes something.

have you ever had something you've heard your entire life,

but it took awhile until it actually clicked and you finally understood it?

today was one of those days.

the Atonement is so multi-faceted, 

it's something i'll always be trying to understand for probably the rest of my life...

but today i realized that Christ wouldn't be who He is without us, 

and we wouldn't be who we are without Him.

we're made up of moments and experiences. 

to be without one of those moments, or one of those experiences,

would mean for us to be a different person.

but we are who we are because of the moments and experiences we have. 

and Jesus Christ knows exactly who each of us is,

and who we each have the potential to become,

all because of His atoning sacrifice -

to personally suffer, empathize, and aid us

through each of our moments and experiences that make up who we are.

that being said, Christ has come to know each of us...

but how do we come to know Christ?

being here in the holy land has definitely offered a lot of perspective

and factual knowledge in that regard.

i've read the scriptures, multiple talks, books, and articles on the Savior and His life.

i've learned about His character and how he responded in various situations, 

how His ultimate goal was to bring glory to the Father...

i've seen bethlehem where He was born, 

walked on the steps he took to the temple, 

seen multiple places where he may or may not have ascended into Heaven... 

all fun facts, right?

but i've learned that even though all these things were helpful in gaining a more rooted, 

clear knowledge and testimony of the Savior,

it wasn’t so much the content of the experiences

but rather why we have the experiences we do.

i believe we're given the individual experiences, opportunities, 

situations, trials, and circumstances for many reasons,

but ultimately because it helps us come to know Jesus Christ.

because, in essence,

they are the very things that make up who He is as well.

because the experiences and moments in my life and your life,

make up experiences and moments in Christ's life.

there's all these overarching principles in the universe of love, fear, addiction, death, joy... 

and two people can learn one of these principles very different ways.

but Christ understands each of those perspectives perfectly 

because He's got every experience and every moment of everyone on His shoulders, 

to help aid, comfort, and guide us what we individually go through.

His understanding would be incomplete without you or i.

for instance, maybe from one of our individual life experiences,

we taught the Savior something about love as He suffered in the Garden of Gethsemane.

not only did that contribute to His understanding of the principle,

but also it would be very different, less personal, and less meaningful

to have a Savior try and empathize through someone's else's perspective on love,

regardless of how similar the experience might have been.

the Atonement is meaningful because Jesus Christ 

exactly knows and perfectly understands

you and i.

and every person we meet and come to understand

as we exercise the pure love of Christ,

is another piece to the puzzle.

as we take our own experiences and come to know others,

we come to know Christ

because His understanding is in each of us.

thinking about this made me realize 

the worth that each of us has as well - 

that Christ needs us just as much as we need Him.

i don't think Christ would have gone through what He had 

if He didn't perfectly understand that worth.

and by knowing how much He loves us,

should reflect in how much we should also value each other.

long thoughts short:

we're all made up of moments and experiences.

we share those moments and experiences with Christ.

He perfectly knows us individually,

and we come to know Him.

as we strive to develop charity,

we take hold of His perfect understanding,

and come to know and love others

which furthers our knowledge of the Savior.

He needs us, and we need Him.

He died for us because He understood our worth,

and everything in our lives revolves around coming to understand
His worth in ours.

.raw.

i remember before coming to israel,

wondering what this experience would be like.

the city,

the byu center,

what the group would be like,

if i would make any friends,

if i needed to go to the bathroom and no one spoke english to direct me to the WC…

all very valid wonderings.

before leaving for the summer,

i went to bid farewell to chloe.

beautiful, hilarious, bestest childhood friend

and well-experienced world traveler, chloe.

i expressed my wonderings to this dear chum,

and i’ll never forget what she said.

“liza, you’re going to be in such a unique experience with these people. you’ll eat together, study together, play together. there’s nothing more bonding than when you’re hiking around so hot and sweaty… you don’t have to feel insecure because everyone is going through the same experiences together. 

traveling makes you r a w – you’re thrown in a completely foreign place, and it shows you what your insecurities and strengths are and how that makes who you are and what you want to become. don’t worry too much… by the very nature of the experience, you can’t be anything but yourself.”

a few weeks ago we went hiking at a place called, ein gedi.

twas a beautiful hike,

but man, was it hot as hades.

we’d get drenched from head to toe

in every pool and waterfall we passed.

and walking around wet and gritty,

with stretched out clothes,

scraggly hair,

smudged makeup,

laughing, sweating, and splashing around

with the best of friends…

those words came back to me 

like a familiar whisper.

this is it.

totally, completely, and utterly

R A W.

.to be or not to be.

July, 19, 1944

“We have good times in the ghetto – we can get some cabbage with what to lessen our mortal hunger – the only care is about our future; the nearest future; because everyone I convinced that the war is decidedly approaching its end; fears are aroused by rumours according to which the G. destroyed tens of thousands of Hungarian Jews – when still this question of 'to be or not to be' be taken off our shoulders?”

(anonymous entry copied from a journal at yad vashem, a jewish holocaust museum)

… 

 can you even imagine?