.2015/life mantra.

I remember when we had hospice care at our house for a few weeks.

My mom needed an IV change every day, but on the off chance the nurse couldn't be there,

someone at home needed to learn how to change it.

My older sisters couldn't handle it without fainting, 
and my dad was at work during the day,

so who was the lucky IV changing winner? 
*ding ding ding* - this kid.

At the time, I thought to myself, 
"Yeah, I'm a little nervous, but someone's gotta do it."

Looking back now, I just shake my head and almost laugh...

"I was a 17-year-old child! Learning how to change an IV for their mom!" 

...not your typical childhood experience.

But, I did it.

Probably cause I couldn't even really fully wrap my head around 

what was going on at the time, 

and I didn't even think about an alternative.

I remember calling the doctor to make an appointment for myself for the first time,

and then got anxious when they asked for an insurance card,

and I had to put them on hold for 20 minutes while I called my sister to figure out

what that was and where to find it.
Eventually, I learned that when questions arose
and Siri didn't have all the answers,

Google's your best friend and YouTube tutorials are heaven sent. 

When I started driving, there was one day where I almost 

hit an entire construction crew and a deer simultaneously.

(It's traumatizing to have your mom scream at the top of her lungs, 
"DON'T KILL BAMBI!!!").

I vowed after that, that I would never drive again

and take public transportation for the rest of my life.................. psych.

Glad I eventually broke that promise.

Before ever traveling outside of the United States,

there was a part of me that was intimidated by the rest of the world.

But more than one sibling had told me that if they could do college over again,

they would have gone on a study abroad.

So me, not wanting to regret my college experience, 

signed up to go the BYU Jerusalem Center for Near Eastern Studies.

A lot was going on at the time and some factors made me question if I should go.

It wasn't a crippling fear, but there were definitely doubts.

...but it would have been the biggest regret of my life
if I'd given in to that hesitation.

That was the best summer of my life.

Also, A S I A.

When I say I was intimidated by the rest of the world,

I mostly meant Asia.

Nothing against Asia at all, 

(In fact, some of my best friends are Asian),

But I guess I understood their culture the least, 
their food is... questionable? sometimes,

I've watched way too many TV shows of 
China or North Korea taking over the world...

But, even so, all cultural stereotypes aside, 

I can't explain why I've had this subconscious fear of our Earth's largest continent.

In my short 22 years though,

I've come to learn a few things about myself.

If I'm scared, intimidated, anxious, nervous, terrified about something...

then that means I should probably face those fears,

put on my big girl pants, and just do it.

So, after stewing about it for two years,

and taking all the 77.6% faith I had,

and the 22.4% fear that I channeled into a catalyst of courage...

I put in my mission papers.

The initial thought for anyone going through this process is,

"Oo, I wonder where I'll go!"

And the answer to my future destination of service came on February 27, 2015.

"Dear Sister Smith,

You are hereby called to serve as a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

You are assigned to labor in the Cebu East, Philippines mission."

THE PHILIPPINES.

aka A S I A.

LOL.

I should've have guessed it all along.

The Lord is all about helping us conquer fears.

He will aid us in overcoming the things that we struggle with,

and in turn change our hearts and expand our capacities 

to love and have strength for the things that were once a challenge for us.

I've heard so much about the Philippines and the Filipino people 

the past few months too,

That I can't help but already feel this anticipatory love

for the souls and adventure that awaits me.

I know a lot of these examples probably aren't especially brave or courageous either,

and some of it is just a part of growing up.

But with every example, I remember the having the feeling,

"Am I really doing this?!"

Am I really inserting an IV?

Am I going to this doctor's appointment all by myself? 

Am I driving 70 mph on the freeway right now?

Am I on a plane flying to the Holy Land?

Am I ready to serve the Lord for 18 months? 

Looking back, a lot of those little things don't seem like such a big deal now.

But I still have a list of fears and weaknesses waiting to be conquered,

and instead of getting scared,

I am now more anxious to accept the challenge. #bringiton

Sometimes courage is thrust upon you and you don't realize that you're being brave.

Other times, you make the choice to be courageous, 

because you know it will be good for you in the end.

And so I give to you my mantra for 2015/life: