.agency of the heart.

i've been on a big free agency kick lately.

i've been thinking about how crazy it is

that Heavenly Father trusts us so much to make decisions on our own.

and if we're living righteously,

He'll guide and direct us otherwise if our choice is wrong,

or path should be altered.

it's been really empowering to think that there's endless possibilities

of great things to do,

places to go,

and individuals we can potentially become

all because we can decide to do, go, and be

whatever we want because we can.

but we have a head.

and we have a heart.

what we know, and what we feel, aren't always the same.

i think for the most part,

i have a pretty good grasp on how to use agency with my head.

i know what's right or wrong

and can act accordingly based on that knowledge.

but the heart...

how does one be an agent of their heart?

for instance, for one reason or another,

someone leaves your life you wish could have stayed.

a death, a breakup, a falling out…

you try to reason there was a higher purpose in their departure,

and might even know that it was all for the best in the end,

but there's that part of you that still wants to be with the other person.

and no matter how hard your head tries to tell your heart to pull it together,

the heart still crawls off into the corner

trying to console the ache in ice cream, running,

listening to the sweet sounds of sentimental adele...

anything really, that might patch up the hurt.

that being said, how does one control the heart, or how they feel?

i'm not quite sure about the answer to that,

but my closest guess is that we have the ability to condition the heart.

to put ourselves in situations that will either cause the heart

to grow in love,

or conversely harden,

or become apathetic.

and each condition is gradual,

built up over time,

and stubborn to change when the head tells it what is best.

maybe the Savior asks us to come to him with a 'broken heart and contrite spirit'

because He's the only one who can fix it.

we have the choice to come to Him (our head + physical action),

but only He, the master heart surgeon, can heal how we feel.

i think it's interesting that in d&c 8 when talking about receiving revelation it says

that we will be told in "[our] mind and [our] heart."

i'm realizing more and more what a profound thing that is

to have what we think and feel come together as one.

it's kind of a big deal.

i remember a letter from a friend that

said something to the effect of,

"we have our sphere of control of what we can and can't do,

and that's all we have to worry about

and Heavenly Father will take care of the rest."

maybe that's what faith is...

is trusting that whether our head or our heart

is guiding us in our sphere of control,

that eventually both might meet at a crossroads along the way.