.the present.

This past mother’s day was interesting for me.

It was weird, cause I feel like for the most part,

I’ve been able to have a pretty good grip on my emotions.

I definitely get sentimental sometimes, but the reality of it is,

is that I miss and think about my mom every. single. day.

Sometimes, reminiscent thoughts produce tears... most times, smiles… 

Anyway, you just kind of learn to live with that little constant tug at your 
heartstrings and keep keepin on with life.

But this Mother’s Day.

Man.

I was getting all ready to post my obligatory Mother’s Day pic on social media,

And then I started scrolling through my newsfeed.

All these pictures of friends with their moms at graduation, weddings, holding grandkids…

It really hit me.

I put down my phone and shut my computer.

I would never have those kind of pictures with my mom.

I’m sure the same principle relates to a variety of situations,

But in the context of losing a loved one or a breakup

(the two are actually pretty similar),

I realized why things get hard – the past and the future.

The past is hard because we have the good ‘ol days we compare to the present.

Life was better, or easier, when they were around.

With my mom, I always came home to the best meals and she sewed the rips in my clothes.

A high light of the day was just talking for hours with the best boy
about the best things you thought nobody else 
cared about or appreciated until you met them.

The future is hard because the potential for those good days are gone.

Life seemed so much wonderful-er thinking they’d always be in it.

But she’s not gonna be around for my graduation, wedding, having kids…

After breaking up, I gotta find someone else to come to that concert with me
that we had tickets to go to for months.

So, what’s the solution?

Well.

I don’t exactly know haha

BUT. I think it may have something to do with the present.

My Senior year of high school I wished I was in college.

My Freshman year of college, I was always worried about 
how things were going at home, 
so I found a way up to Salt Lake almost every weekend.

It wasn’t until my Junior year where I felt like I was finally

where my life was supposed to be – not the way I expected it be,

but exactly how the Lord intended it to be.

And it turns out, His way had a lot more of what I wanted,

and even some things I didn’t even know I wanted,

but I couldn’t have even dreamed of anything better.

Real quick.

Philippians 4:11.

“For I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, 

therewith to be content.”

When I was on a study abroad last summer,

I wrote in my journal coming back from Turkey,

“It’s a good feeling come back ‘home’ to the JC. I think about being back in Salt Lake or Provo, and the thought is not appealing at all… there is nowhere else I would rather be than Jerusalem right now. And that’s a big deal for me to be totally content with the present.”

In my opinion, those are the best kind of ‘presents.’

That feeling of knowing you're exactly where you're supposed to be,

exactly where you want to be, and not even questioning or desiring to be anywhere else.

Granted, those are probably the easiest kind of 'presents' to be content with too…

(I mean who wouldn't want to be anywhere else 
when you're living a charmed life in Israel?)

But you can still have the same attitude
for all the other kind of ‘present’ circumstances too.

I’ve found that it’s important to remind myself that wherever I am, 

is exactly where I’m suppose to be, 

and it’s up to me to figure out the reason of why I’m suppose to be there.

Some ‘presents’ are for patience.

Other ‘presents’ are for preparation.

Every now and then, your ‘present’ may have the stars align 

and opportunities just fall into your lap, 

giving that external validation that you can stop wondering 

if you’re in the right place, doing the right thing.

All ‘presents’ are for growth.

And all ‘presents’ can have peace.

Because I like the play on words too,

These ‘presents’ are more than just the here and now.

They really are a gift.

This analogy just kind of came to me while writing this post,

And it just keeps getting weirder in my head (so bear with me),

But what if life was like the Hunger Games (minus the whole fight to death thing).

We’re in this arena.

And the cornucopia thing has all the gifts and tools

that God has given us to make the most of our ‘present.’

And sometimes when life throws you a bunch of tracker jackers,

God is there to give you that extra helpful dose
of healing ointment to get you through.

And maybe you never even dreamed of being tribute,

But you volunteered and made the most of it,

And no matter how much you worry about Prim (the past) or Gale (the future),

God is always going to make you Victor in the end.

Anyway...

Mother’s Day.

I would never hope anyone has to lose their mom,

to figure out the things I had to the hard way.

But, at the same time,

I guess I wouldn’t trade my present for anything else.

Sure, there’s things I’ll always miss,

And some experiences I’ll never get to have,

But, I’ve been more than content with the abundance of

goodness, growth, and opportunity of my present.

Take your past, and shape your present from it.

It’s cliché, but when making decisions I ask myself the question,

“Would I regret ________ if I did/didn’t do it?” #yolo

Don’t feel like you’re waiting for life to start.

It started a looooong time ago, and is just waiting for you.

Maybe there’s not a ton going on in your life right now,

and you feel like you’re just going to school, work, eat food, go to bed, repeat…

Or maybe you’re not in the financial place to splurge and satisfy that wanderlust,

But, be patient with your present.

Fill it with what you know how to,

keep those dreams burning in the back of your mind,

and a loving Heavenly Father will be there every step of the way,

willing and ready to grant every one of those wishes.

All that and even more, at the perfect time – His time.

And as for the future?

Just focus on doing your best and making the most of today. 
That brilliant, glorious, and extremely bright future 
ahead of you will take care of itself.

One of my favorite memories collecting agates on the Oregon coast - you know you've got a good mom when she makes even collecting rocks fun.